Do you feel like you’ve been single for the longest time? Or do you feel like you’re “unlucky in love”, always attracting the wrong type of people?
I get it… trust me. I know what it’s like to crave a true and pure love but to keep attracting toxic people, emotionally unavailable people or people who inevitably hurt me.
It can really suck, let’s be honest. But it’s so important to step out of that victim mindset and take responsibility for your own love blocks and know that you are capable of attracting better.
Because the truth is, it all starts with you.
I know that might not be something you’re ready to hear, and it can be super frustrating to wonder what it is that you’re doing wrong to be attracting the wrong love or to be repelling love all together.
And I want to reassure you that it’s not like that. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you at all, and this isn’t a case of placing blame on yourself.
Instead, it’s about identifying the subtle thoughts and patterns that you have that might be contributing to the experiences that keep repeating themselves in your love life.
It’s about recognising that you too have a part to play in your relationships. And that when you start living from a place of pure love then you will attract a love that is equally as pure.
6 Common love blocks
These are some of the most common love blocks that could be holding you back from attracting true love.
It's important to reflect and see if you can identify any of these love blocks within your own life so that you can start the process of beginning to remove relationship blockages and be able to welcome love in.
So with that in mind, do you recognize any of these within yourself?
1. Feeling unlovable
Feeling unlovable is an incredibly common love block that comes from having low self esteem.
When you’re in this mindset you struggle to find the positives in yourself or find reasons that another person would find you attractive, like your personality or feel connected to you.
This low vibrational mindset is likely to appear less appealing or attractive to others, in comparison to radiating inner confidence and self belief. This makes you less likely to attract a true love.
It’s important to note that we all suffer from self doubt from time to time, and it’s completely normal in moderation.
However when you let these thoughts take hold and form your core identity then this is going to seriously affect your ability to find love.
How to clear this block:
To work on this block you need to work on building your self esteem and finding those reasons that another person would want to love you.
Self love affirmations can be a great tool to do this and can help you embody that feeling of self confidence. Try practicing them in the mirror to feel even more empowered!
You might also want to get into the habit of complimenting yourself more often. Try to find one thing that you love about yourself each day and get into the habit of focusing on the good about yourself, rather than any imperfections.
This goes for other people complimenting you, too! Change your relationship with accepting compliments.
When another person compliments you don’t shy away from it or deny it. Take it and accept it and enjoy the feelings that come with it. Believe it!
2. Believing you don’t deserve love
Another common love block is believing that you don’t deserve love. This usually manifests from a lack of self-worth and might be because you view yourself as a bad person for one reason or another.
Commonly, this might be because you have done something that you view as bad in your life, or you might have had something bad done to you that makes you feel tainted and unworthy.
When you have this block in place, you might prevent yourself from attracting love altogether or you might attract the kind of people who don’t have your best interests at heart.
“You attract the love you think you deserve.”
When you’re in a state of low self-worth, you’re more likely to allow people to treat you in a negative way and accept relationships that aren’t good for you.
This can be really hard to overcome, and I know because I’ve been there. These kind of blocks are often very deep rooted, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome them!
How to clear this block:
Clearing this block comes from building your self-worth and establishing your boundaries.
The first step comes from compassion and forgiveness towards yourself. In order to heal these kinds of feelings you have to know that it is okay to be feeling them in the first place, but that they don’t serve us going forward.
It is a good idea to seek professional therapy if there is some kind of trauma that is contributing to these feelings, so that you can properly work through the coping mechanisms that have risen as a result.
The second step comes from identifying and enforcing your boundaries in relationships. It’s important that you know what kind of people or behaviours you are not willing to accept and that you don’t compromise on this.
Once you start building your self worth and not settling for less than you deserve then you will start to repel those who don’t have good intentions and attract those who want to love you.
3. Being afraid of getting hurt
If you’ve been hurt before then being afraid of getting hurt again can definitely block you from attracting love.
Believing that people are out there to hurt you can make you appear unapproachable or cold to those who might otherwise be open to showing you love.
What’s more, the constant fear of getting hurt can lower your vibration and make you more likely to attract the kind of people who are likely to hurt you. This becomes a cycle that can be hard to break free from.
This fear can also make you push away opportunities for love because you’re unwilling to put yourself in a position that could potentially lead to hurt.
As soon as you develop feelings of love for someone, you associate this with pain and you are unable to enjoy the positive feelings that come with falling in love with another being.
How to clear this block:
I know how hard it is to overcome because this is something that I’ve struggled with myself. When you’ve been hurt multiple times you start to predict that getting hurt is inevitable and you lose faith in love altogether.
So clearing this block comes from recognising that not everybody is exactly the same.
While you may have been hurt by a variety of different people, there are still so many kind souls in the world that you haven’t yet encountered.
There are people out there who have good hearts and intentions that are waiting to love someone like you.
When fear arises that somebody might hurt you, remind yourself that they might not.
Challenge your assumptions and reframe your thoughts to a more optimistic and hopeful outlook on relationships. Once you do this, you’ll be less likely to attract those who have bad intentions.
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4. Being unable to be vulnerable
If you’ve experienced trauma, hurt or betrayal of any kind (which many of us have) it’s easy for the walls to go up and for you to start protecting yourself with certain thoughts, beliefs or behaviours that you think serve you.
You start to develop a block to being vulnerable. And yes, this can sometimes be helpful in protecting you from being hurt and you shouldn’t blame yourself for being this way.
You adopted this coping mechanism for a reason.
But unfortunately, having these walls in place also means that you’re unable to open up to love. This is particularly problematic because relationships and true love are what can truly help to heal these blocks and set you free.
Whether we like it or not, true love can only be found through vulnerability. It comes when we allow ourselves to be seen and heard for who we truly are, and when another person sees us and connects with us and supports us unconditionally.
This means that in order to attract love, we have to let ourselves be vulnerable.
How to clear this block:
Practice allowing yourself to be vulnerable slowly and gradually.
The problem that a lot of people have in trying to clear this block is they think that they have to put everything on the table at once in a bid to be seen.
The issue with this is that it can sometimes result in “oversharing” information about yourself, which can appear unnatural and off putting to potential partners.
There is the risk that this level of intense oversharing, perhaps too early in a relationship or before the other person knows how to handle it, can result in the other person leaving.
And what does this do? It reinforces your belief that vulnerability is a negative thing and that you cannot allow yourself to be seen safely.
But that’s the thing, vulnerability isn’t about putting everything out there into the world all at once. Vulnerability is about testing the waters and gradually sharing deeper parts of yourself when it feels natural to do so.
When done in this way, it can really help to deepen connections and bonds between people.
Work at finding the balance between allowing vulnerability and oversharing. If something feels a little uncomfortable but you think that another person will receive it well, then practice allowing that vulnerability to come in.
If something feels unnatural or forced then stop and ask yourself “do I need to share this information?” “will this serve my relationship?” and “is this the right time to share this information?”.
With practice you’ll be able to find that balance and allow yourself to be vulnerable in a way that serves your relationships and allows you to accept love into your life.
5. The belief that everyone leaves
Abandonment fears can be very deep rooted and can affect your ability to attract and maintain relationships.
If you have the belief that everybody leaves then you can subconsciously attract those who do leave.
Not only this, but you’re more likely to self-sabotage relationships that are going well through fears that they are “too good to be true”. You push people away to stop yourself from getting too attached.
This serves to protect you from encountering too much pain when the other person leaves as you expect them to.
Unfortunately, pushing people away in this manner often does cause people to leave and inevitably reinforces your belief. This is then a cycle that gets stronger and harder to break free from.
How to clear this block:
Clearing this block mostly comes from challenging your own belief, while also understanding that nothing in life is permanent and it is okay for people to leave.
Practice being comfortable with the impermanence of all things and you will start to find comfort in knowing that things come and go all the time, people included.
Once you make peace with this, you will no longer fear people leaving but instead learn to live in the present moment and enjoy what you have currently.
In doing this, you’re more likely to attract and enjoy positive partners and love experiences, and less likely to push people away through fear. This is how you will experience true love.
6. Believing that you need someone to be happy
You may think that constantly thinking about finding a partner will help you attract one, but in reality this approach can do the opposite.
It’s important that you think about why you want a partner because this plays a huge part in your ability to attract true love.
Wanting to attract a partner because you want someone to share your life with and grow with is a positive approach to finding love.
However, if you feel like you need somebody else to “complete” you or make you happy then this is going to create blocks for you.
This desperate idea of needing another person is a low vibrational feeling and might prevent you from attracting potential partners all together.
Alternatively, this mindset can make you overlook toxic traits and “red flags” in potential partners and enter relationships that don’t serve your highest good.
How to clear this block:
To clear this love block, you need to find peace with being alone. This means spending time with yourself, practicing self care and getting to know yourself on a soul level.
When you spend time with yourself in this way and take care of yourself you will begin to feel a sense of completeness.
It is at this point that you don’t feel like you need another person. Anybody who comes along from this point will simply be an addition.
It’s important to set boundaries with yourself during this period. If you feel like you have further work to do with yourself before entering a relationship then communicate to any potential partners that you’re not ready for a relationship right now and you need to prioritise yourself.
Changing the relationship you have with yourself in this way will help you to attract people who serve you and allow you to have more confidence in being selective with your partners because love becomes a want and not a need.
Hopefully this post has helped you to gain insight into your own patterns and identify any love blocks that might be holding you back from finding true love.
Rest assured that by working on these areas of your life you can shift into a high vibrational state that makes you more receptive to attracting the kind of love that you truly deserve.
Remember, don’t put pressure on yourself. There is no rush. The right love will find you when the time is right.
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Esther is the founder of Through the Phases. Her mission is to guide others to grow to their full potential and create their dream life using spiritual and personal growth practices. Read more about her story here!